The dust on your arms is glass under the hot sun of yesterdays tomorrow,

Your reflection is caste by shadows long since thrown by the dead horse you rode in on,

Pilgrim, they called you.

Devil, you smiled with missing teeth for all those juicy women you bite into,

Fruit running down your chin,

Running through the gaps in your throat.

Each time you coughed back remembering all the lovely flowers the died in her hair,

Dried petals gracing her shoulders,

They whispered a warning love letter in the hole where her ear had once been.

The town’s folk still says that she dances in the grave yard,

A dancing skeleton in a music box with swirling skirts dotted with moth holes and ribbons.

Bones click with chirp of the katydids but didn’t you teach her those two-steps?

The one to her desk drawer?

The second to the pistol?

Drawn out the reality that paper could never hold,

How brilliant the red splattered manifesto that split through the window,

Catching the sun light in its spider web cracks,

It made the bed room a church cathedral with a stained glass window,

Stained in mistakes that can’t ever be taken back.

Rumors that were sent on the wings of a murder of crows,

Their black eyes the ink wells for all those forgotten promises,

Initials drawn onto the bottom of bullets,

This is where his love was intended to shoot me,

This is where I put him in his place,

Not with a kiss but a gun barrel,

Smoke charring into my clothes a fragrant perfume more potent than camp fires.

He rode in on a dead horse,

A bouquet of dried roses intended for a resting place grave stone in his hands,

The bones on his face were still reminiscing of lips that once kissed pretty girls,

Pilgrim, they called him,

Devil, he chuckled beneath a wide brim hat,

Leather coat collar pulled up high to protect his bones from the wind,

Protect us from the worst of him that was still yet to be seen in mirror sand’s reflection of yesterday’s tomorrow.

Meeting with David Hayes tonight from: ISmellYourBrains.com and Abnormal Entertainment. We're going to discuss the scrip for the zombie movie I'm going to star in and where we want it to go. I'm very excited! With not much poetry during the week, I came back hella depressed from Nationals; I've been spilling over my need-to-do-something onto my boyfriend who hates people. Solutions: bought a new bedroom set, also re-arranged my apartment, working on zombie movie, spending more time with friends. Once again: spending more time with friends. I really want to start on other projects like modeling again and working with Klute to set up Friday nights (I mean really guy, why are we waiting to do this?). First step is meeting with David tonight over coffee. It's exciting! OH and I spoke to a couple photographer buddies about doing new shoots.

On a poetry note: had by far my best feature on Saturday in Sedona. Love the people and the vibe and they were eating up my poetry just nom-nomming it down! Got all dressed up even. Introduced with a teaser poem in the 2nd round doing White Rabbit. The audience awwwwe'd, then had an 8 piece set (they asked for more) and did four new pieces on page, SANG and timed everything out perfectly. It was the single most relaxed I'd ever been on stage, running the pauses and slight hums with the microphone and closing out with Love, Bacall. After the 3rd round ended, they called me up for a final piece so I vibrated Sincerely Yours to them. Again the awwwwwe's and slight comments of "damn, she's good". It the boost I've needed over the last month to get me out of this funk. Sold a good chunk of merch too. So yes, love my Sedona peeps and can't wait for the next slam up there woot. Oh yeah, I've also started a collection for Horror Couture and my next serious book. I like having so much poetry to work with and having experimented with a few new pieces Saturday, have a new confidence to expand outward.

I shop therefore I am .... FASHIONABLE!!! Sitting at my desk reading Geek Love ~ a book about a family freak show, so far impressed, looking at pinup couture. Been debating on a pinup-style swim suit but how often do I go to the pool much less in the sun and why would I NOT wear a bikini? These are the complicated thoughts that are on the menu for today.

My brain of late had been stressed. Almost had a breakdown at work yesterday that started with someone stealing my chair. It may seem silly, but I really liked that chair. The day turned into a "fix this" that ended with shitty sales and a right up for something I fixed already from last month. We. Are. Exhausted. On a sunny note, my chap book is selling well. People like the cover and the nicer touches which most books don't have. By the time my car parked in front of Brit's for practice, Adam had calmed me down. Calming further after having some quality girl time with Brit. Oh, there was also a home-made cookie involved in said calming.

May not seem like much on paper but when my manager asked how I was doing and in a low, calm voice I explained all of the above with a hint of practice every night, Nationals next week, and asking how high? when they say "Jump", he said we'd talk today and just relax. Adam suggested sushi; his idea was better. A lot of things about Adam are better than most guys. A lot of things. The sushi worked and also the snuggled up in bed with a fixed air conditioner. Woot!!!

At least the day ended well.

So today, I'm sitting talking about borrowing shoes from my drag queen bestie while coveting a pinup couture dress I almost bought a year ago online. I think after I pay for my Nationals trip, I'll buy it and have sushi with Adam, maybe catch a flick or a freak show

Last night was fun ... relaxed, ate food, and did a burn out in Adam's 50 Chevy Fastback.... mmmMMmmm Fastback.... MMmmmm Fastback Adam haha. AND since I have to memorize a couple group pieces, decided to get his help. He read Klute's lines, laughing some of the time at the writing and finally, towards the end, he used different voices! It was pretty fun and totally got me off page. I have to say, he's pretty good at reading but thank god for his stage fright! Oh and hate of people! I've known enough poets that have dated people, broke up, and then had to deal with them in the community. Now, I'm not saying Adam and I are gonna split (sorry boys haha) I'm just saying that ugh .... yeah, ya know haha. No really, peeps know what I mean.

Tonight is our Team feature at Conspire then Adam and I are hitting up Reverend Beat Man.... ahhh the Rev of Beats in his entire graphic fuck you glory! I'm excited. We've never been to a show together and after the week I'm having, really want a drink and shot. Going out on a school night! Woot woot.
 

Just in case anyone wanted to know ~ Klute and I got a perfect 30 on our duet in Salt Lake City!!! Yeah, it was shit and we rule. Been waiting to be on a team with that kid since 2006 and now the product of 7 years slamming and growing ~ we kick ass! Just saying. Salt Lake was a savage run, very fun and extremely beautiful. We stayed with the ever charming Jesse Parent in his monstrous house ~ his house could eat your house!!! Even the drive was fun. We managed to find a tourist trap that was an old western town. Oh yes, there are pictures.

I've never really thought 4th of July was romantic until this weekend. We climbed onto the roof to watch the fireworks down town ~ my neighbor taking pictures and snuggled up next to Adam we "ooooh'd and ahhhh'd" until they were over. Friday started out with an intense conversation but faded into Sasturday's getting ready to head to Tucson for a competetion. He'd never hung out there before and I'm so used to having him when I slam, that it felt weird thinking he might not go. The slam was well, a Tucson slam; that's all I'll say about that. We headed to THE HUT afterwards for a drink. Yup, got Adam to drink! THE HUT is a tiki bar from way back in the retro days. Actually, we drank most of the weekend ... had gin on Saturday and Patron on Sunday ~ again he had shots! Ya know, as much as I bitch about him not drinking its pretty nice. Guys have a tendency to turn into jerks and I love his nature. So it was a good weekend. Oh! I went swimming yesterday like actually dunked my head under water!!! It was great! Afterwards, we grilled steak and chicken cabobs. Pretty sure that's how you spell that ....

So yeah it's been an intense months. Working, writing, loving, and getting ready. Tomorrow is my free day off and I have three poems to finish and 1 to get off page ~ then practice. Tonight we have a feature so I'm going straight there from work. Thursday slam. Friday memorize and sleep. Saturday work 6:30am then feature at the Loss Leaf Bar. I love a good bar slam. So to say the least it's been busy. Let's add in re-signing my lease while looking for a house with Adam, toss in some stress. Yes, I want a new tattoo; that may not be the answer but that's all I've got to say on that. After Nats, I'm getting my three-quarter sleeve and that's that!!!!
 

I swear I woke up this morning ready to eat the soft parts out of a kitten. I've been grinding my teeth on every phone call, rolling my eyes at the unending questions then ending with "let me think on it". I don't feel like playing nice. There's gasoline pumping through my veins. Then I walked out to discover the nice long key mark on the passenger side of my car.

Really. Well, isn't that nice.

Drinking coffee, my internet blinking, I decide to buy new clothing including skirt and custom sized shirt, new heels, zombie dress ~ feeling more peachy keen walking out to my car.

Oh that's right, someone key'd it AGAIN.

The day is crawling by and my typing has slowed to the narrow squinted expression. Tonight, there is a mention of the immigration bill; to do poetry that expresses the way we feel. I feel like reading a revised version of Pink Barbwire. It's a chess game really, that piece did so much damage to my reputation four years ago. Has it been long enough for me to be honest? Just don't know if me feeling this aggressive is a good idea. I can feel the little bubbles of hotness behind my eyes.

Gah.

Such a great weekend.... stressful but over all effing awesome. Yes, I said effing! Who killed the polar bear?! I did!!! Saturday was the Mesa Slam OFF and I made the team; got 2nd place!!! Started the slam reading Bulimia 2010 and took 1st in the first round. Followed up by Baby Teeth ~ my pro-late term abortion piece. Proud to say two women stood up and walked away to smoke. Way to stand proud of your choices ladies ha-ha. And closed the slam with Personal Masochist. Ahhh Personal Masochist, my big gun, my hollow feeling'd baby. Side note: took 1st in the 3rd round as well. Overall, Klute beat me out by POINT 7!!!!!! But it's all good, we’re on a team together and it's going to be brutal. I'm thinking between Klute and I, Bill hitting em hard from the inside, and Brit poking at their brain meats ~ I'm confident. Ready to go and effing excited. Woot. WOOT I say!!!

The night closed out with a couple Black Velvets ((mmmMMmmm Guinness)) with Klute, Teresa, Christopher Fox w/his lady, and the random drunk guy who loudly announced Adam and I were leaving to have sex. Yes, random drunk guy, very observant. It was nice to not drive home and sitting in the passenger seat, a stupid grin on my face couldn't help but be happy. Poetry, job, and man all at once. It was indeed a great night. 

Last night I broke my writing rut and started a new piece. It makes me choke up about half way through. Going to perform it this Thursday at the Tiny Mesa Slam. It's from the view of someone else and extremely personal. When I read the first line to Adam, I could hear him tense up; by the middle piece, I heard he gulped back a few times and admit that it's going to upset him. He remembers my explanation of just why I don't speak to my mother. For some reason, I've been thinking about her a lot lately after watching his family interact with each other. I'm looking forward to buy a mother's day card for the first time in eleven years and giving it to his mother. I really do appreciate the son that she's raised and I've come to care for.

It's especially tough right now because I've stopped speaking to my father. When we were at his house for Easter, he lured me into a trap asking about my poetry, belting out "Your poetry will mean something when you win like a trip or a car, until then ~ it's a waste of money." My jaw dropped, Adam squeezed my hand. There was more but that's what stuck out the most. The trap of being hopeful your last parent actually gives a fuck and AND understands your passion but no, it's just a chance to bash what you love. I will never be as good as I could be in his eyes; he still talks to me like I'm 14. My sister, having had so much trouble in life, no matter how small the accomplishment ~ it's HUGE to my dad. I've never sat down and told him what I actually went through in California when I moved but how could I? His perfect little daughter ... it's sad. Something else to get over.

Where have I been for a month? Oh OOOOHHhhh so busy! That's me being very busy. After coming home from WOW which I still owe an updated entry, I've been relaxing; standing my grounds with Adam, broke up with my bestie and then got back together ((she said it's because I don't put out I SAY it's because she was bad in bed ~ inside joke )) but it's been an interesting month. Safe to say, I am still officially happy and AND have yet to be made upset by my sweetness ~ aside from a few hormonally days that only pain killers and chocolate could cure. It's been a blast and Friday was Zombie Ball and who is escorted me to such a gory affair? None other than my anti-social lover. Yup, after I told him last night we should go to the movies because it'd be fun, he scoffed and said "No, I know you want to go so we're going I'll just have to deal with it ..." then there were burgers and cigarettes, stupid grin on my face. He's such a sweetie.

I have to say, he handled the whole thing rather well; not a single anxiety attack and only one instance where he nearly knocked someone out. Said person grabbed and lifted part of my skirt. Right, he thinks my friends are weird and over-sexed, extreme individuals with "issues"; laughing to this I remind him that I have a zombie fetish, write erotic poetry, and want to have sex in his 50 Chevy Fastback ~ oh yeah, I went there. "You're dating Lucky Zombie, come and play games with me." All my favorite people were there, only one of my stalkers, neither of my ex's (thank god) and pretty sure I made it in the New Times many times over after posing for a grip of pictures. Ahh to be a zombie in like-alotta-bit.

Work is crawling along slowly so I'm day dreaming at my desk. Thinking of new poetry to write ~ I've written a new piece called "Skeleton Suit" which is a battle between two personalities, and aside from Grease Monkey, I haven't produced anything I'm overly impressed with. Plus, I've been feeling a strong desire to destroy poetry inspired by ex lovers. I mean, never going to read it again, pisses me off now as a reminder of how much time I wasted so destroy and delete? Yes? No? Feel like I'm back in a rut but want to generate strong new pieces. I'm thinking ... I need to fool around with Adam in his 50 Fastback ha-ha. Side note, Slam Off is coming up in just 2 weeks! You know you're going to be there ESPECIALLY since I'm your favorite poet! Ha-ha ... I know, write more new pieces. Think I might be hosting tomorrow so I better check on that too.

Nice be writing and talking again, hope all is well in monster land!!!